I give up. NSFW White Ribbon

I’ve been trying to keep my personal life out of the wow gold blog. Readers want tips for making gold, not my blubbing and whining.

Since being in hospital, I’ve been writing all my posts with pencil on paper, then laboriously tapping them in to wordpress on my smartphone. I didn’t want to let you down. Also, it gives me something to focus on other than recent events. Do you know how hard it is to research a post/article without real internet, without WoW?

image

But the truth is, I’m royally fucked up in the head right now. I still have some physical checks to go though. The good news is I’m healed without need for surgery. The bad news is I still need tests for nasties like HIV. Even though the animals held me for an hour, its my head that’s broken. I’m actually on suicide watch in hospital after 3 serious fails. This is the part of me that they literally tore apart. Some part of me died between 2nd and 3rd rape.

I’ve missed being involved in the community, I even missed the start of the Gold Speed Run I was so proud to help edit during October. I was looking forward to launching it.

It seems like the community has missed me too, despite my mediocre blog post attempts! So which of you is responsible for organising today’s utterly overwhelming white ribbon campaign? I recognised a white ribbon immediately – I donate to women’s charities. My nurse actually offered me Sedation (drugs? Yes please!) When I started weeping as the blogroll filled with white ribbon bandages. I am overwhelmed. My broken little head can’t take it in.

So I give in.
No more struggles to pretend I’m ok. I relax into the support you show. It’s ok not to be tough. I’m not ashamed to be broken and f_cked up.

If you are part of White Ribbon today, please post your link below. I want my readers to be staggered and overwhelmed like me at how strong this matrix of wow gold bloggers is.

I really hope the community is proud of itself. I love seeing you pull together.

Update: Below are many of the blogs that participated in today’s show of support.

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58 replies
  1. GrayzBDF
    GrayzBDF says:

    I’ve been absent and it deeply saddens me to read what happened to you. I’ll look into the White Ribbon movement and pour some love into it. I really hope the people that are near and dear to you give you the support you need.

    It’s a good thing that the mature part of the community stepped up regardless of earlier childish BS (that continues of course…)! Being united has always felt more interesting to me and that is why i’m choosy with whom I listen to and support.

    I’ll be around one way or another. Take care!
    Sincerely,
    Grayz

  2. Oligopoly
    Oligopoly says:

    Hey, Oligopoly of Warcraft Econ here. Hope you are recovering well. I’m still checking/approving comments here and there. The link list has been updated with White Ribbon’s direct tweet about this campaign. Take care.

  3. Carol
    Carol says:

    Hi :), I came to this via the MMO Melting Pot. I don’t have a blog or anything I can post a white ribbon on, otherwise I would. I just wanted to with you well for your recovery, good luck to you. *hugs* Carolan

  6. Lynnora/Becky
    Lynnora/Becky says:

    I’m so sorry for you, wish I could ease your burden. Unfortunately all I can do is say my thoughts are with you. Take care and keep your head up.
    Your Silvermoon chat pal.

  8. Alyzande
    Alyzande says:

    You’ve all really helped me. Sorry if my replies are sporadic rambling or plain nonsense I’m still off my face on (legal) drugs

  9. Ærixalimar
    Ærixalimar says:

    Queen: I haven’t blogged for over 2 years … but I’ve posted a white ribbon on the front page of our guild website in support.

    Feel better. We miss you and wish you the best!

  10. fluxdada
    fluxdada says:

    I reworked Kathroman’s original “White Ribbon” image to add it to Power Word: Gold.

    I lightened up the ribbon to make it a bit more “white” as well as adding a slightly different arrangement if the elements to make it more rectangular.

    Please feel free to use these images on your own blogs with links to http://whiteribbon.ca/ to help show support.

    Here are the images: http://imgur.com/a/9uRyM

    Every bit of awareness helps.

  11. Tekrahkshi
    Tekrahkshi says:

    As the others have said, you have our support, stay human [;D] and even though some of us spent a good part of our time filled with rage and questions to the world; know that we only wish you great things as you are a greater part to how many of us got started and will continue to learn from your wisdom. You’re in my thoughts and otherworldly wishes.

    Jeff, AKA Tekrahkshi

  12. Borgthor
    Borgthor says:

    I wish you a all the best during your recovery, hoping that the support from the gold making community and beyond keeps coming and can make a difference.

  14. Gneisha
    Gneisha says:

    There’s nothing wrong with being shattered when you have so many people to help you glue the pieces back on. Feel free to break, we’re here to catch you when you fall.

  15. red cow
    red cow says:

    I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you a swift and smooth recovery, both physically and mentally. The Azeroth community is here for you.

  16. Thraul
    Thraul says:

    “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

  17. Anna
    Anna says:

    I’m not usually a “gold blogger”, but I’ll be posting a white ribbon tomorrow over at The Annas. I found your links through Misaweha and Furiey and the Apple Cider Mage and I’ll do my best to pass them on.

    There is no right or wrong way to heal from this kind of hurt – so do whatever you feel, in your gut, you need to do. If that’s open today and closed tomorrow, that’s fine. However you process it is up to you. Healing is, as they say, an inside job. It’s up to everyone else to support that.

  18. Tekrahkshi
    Tekrahkshi says:

    You’re in my thoughts and wishes. Be awesome, you always have been and even though in some way shouldn’t I only wish swift vengeance in some way that I can’t explain. Be safe and be whole again. You have our support.

  19. Toriah
    Toriah says:

    I heard of your story from Twitter via one of the WoW Insider writers. I don’t know how to play the AH to save myself. But as a fellow WoW player, blogger, and rape survivor, I just wanted to let you know you have another person cheering for you in your corner.

    The greatest victory you can claim over your attackers is to *live*. Don’t give up. Stand and continue living a good life. That’s how they know they won’t and *can’t* keep you down. You can do it. Everything is not okay, but it will be. You do whatever you need to do– cry, scream, get angry, throw things, anything– and you take as much time as you need. And you *live*.

    /hugs and /salute

    • Toriah
      Toriah says:

      I posted my own sort of White Ribbon on my blog. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me linking your blog along with everything– it’s your story and I didn’t want to usurp your right to tell it. If I do have your permission to link your blog in my post, I will gladly and happily go back and update it, because I’m all for gathering more people to show their support of YOU! 🙂 as well as the White Ribbon Campaign itself. Anyway… here’s my White Ribbon: http://mommyjenkins.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/one-of-our-own-white-ribbon/

      More /hugs

  20. Rades
    Rades says:

    I am deeply saddened to hear about your horrific experience, and wish you the best in your recovery. No one should ever have to go through what you did. Be well and I best of luck with the healing process.

  21. Sterling
    Sterling says:

    You’re an inspiration, Alyzande. Please remember, you’re a beautiful person and we love you.

    Hang in there, and don’t hold back any emotions.

  23. Ratshag
    Ratshag says:

    I were not awares of yer blog until today, gold not bein’ me passion. I’s very saddened fer ta hear of what has happened to you; should not happen ta anyone, ever. Is a day late, but has a ribbon and the linkage up on me blog now.

    I wish you all the strength in the world fer yer recovery.

  26. Arathion
    Arathion says:

    Broken mind, broken body, yet you remain. They cannot harm you. You are strong.

    They are beneath your contempt, they are beneath your anger, they are unworthy of your thoughts.

    They are forever marked. They know. You know. God knows.

    Justice comes for all. In this life or the next.

  29. osnaguy
    osnaguy says:

    As a close relative of a rape victim, I was a bit annoyed by the “you’re such a strong woman”-style comments on earlier posts. I am glad that you chose not to put up a tough front.
    My relative was completely shattered (mentally). And she did the right thing. She let it all out… crying, cursing, throwing stuff around. But she also soaked it all in … all the love, caring, (yes, also pity), family, friends, soul food, ice cream, cigarettes and the medication. Now she is whole again. Or at least whole enough to lough and live again.

    All the best!
    -O

  30. jimmyolsenblues
    jimmyolsenblues says:

    God Bless you, I am sorry for the pain you are going through, no one deserves to suffer as you do.
    I hope your future is bright loving and warm.
    I wish I could say something to erase the past

  34. GreyCat
    GreyCat says:

    I don’t really follow your blog (yet) but I do regularly check out whatever UnderMine Journal highlights – and today it was a swathe of White Ribbon – Heart of Gold. In reading your post I felt profound anger at whichever assholes did this to you any of the times that it happened. I know (too many) strong women that have survived similar incidents and hope that you too find the strength and voice to shine on nonetheless like they do.

    /salute

  35. Brouck
    Brouck says:

    With much love do we, the gold blog reading community (and occasional bloggers) support you. Take care, rest, recover, cry. yell, swear, and take heart knowing you’re well loved.

  36. Adam Doll
    Adam Doll says:

    Hey Alyzande,

    All of us on The Chaos Stream are wishing you well. Horrible thing that you endured and no one under any circumstances deserves what you went through. Hoping you and your family all the best!

  37. Oligopoly
    Oligopoly says:

    Credit goes to Kathroman @ The Consortium for putting all this together.

    @Alyzande/TGQ – I edited in the links for you in the post. Thanks to Flux that took the time to organize the links on his site first.

  38. R.
    R. says:

    While I don’t have a blog with a white ribbon to show… you do have my support for however you choose to be. I have experience with supporting a rape survivor. Things will be very tough for you, but you have taken the first step… allowing yourself to be helped. Concentrate on that and take one day at a time.

  39. Zoxy
    Zoxy says:

    Hey Your Still alive and kicking and that good enough for me ,keeping go on your journey

    Sam

    AKA Zoxy

  41. Alberthus
    Alberthus says:

    /Me Point finger to Khatroman, He did It, he is the mastermind, now more serious, everyone was amazing helping out, everyone was a piece of this GOOD we try to today, everyone give there best to get this done today.
    It just shows that we sometime can do good. Even if we are all strangers in real life but we try to do a positive thing today.

    Alyzande Heal well, there are people that care for you, even that we never meet, you are not alone, at least not Virtually on the web, you have all this people cheering for your fast recovery, and remember there is a Full Auction house out there still waiting for you .

  42. Kathroman
    Kathroman says:

    Looks like my original comment is still under moderation (as expected – there WERE like 10 links in it, and I’m clearly a spam-bot :p )

    Basically, it said:

    “I’m not sure that we’re as proud of ourselves as we are proud of you, for your bravery and resilience. Also, it wouldn’t be fair for anyone to take credit for what happened today – we ALL did what needed to be done. ;)”

  45. Sinshroud
    Sinshroud says:

    Kathroman from The Consortium first mentioned the idea and started gathering interest. We all spread out looking for people interested in being involved and have been in correspondence with each other.

    Kathroman, Sinshroud, Sterling, Xsinthis, Oligopoly, Fluxdata, Stede, Cold, Wes, Breevok, Alto, Wragstoriches, and Alberthus were the main people involved as far as I remember.

  46. Stede
    Stede says:

    You have our unwavering, support, Alyzande; however you choose to be – strong, open, broken – whatever. We’re here, as a community, with you.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Glass Houses: On Alyzande and Rape Culture in Azeroth « Flavor Text says:
    November 17, 2011 at 20:26

    […] Alyszande was brave enough to speak out about her experiences. For this, she is being called (among other unflattering things)  a liar.  […]

  2. The 'mental Shaman » That sickening feeling says:
    November 17, 2011 at 14:09

    […] would like to salute the male (and female) bloggers who have started participating in the White Ribbon Campaign. The White Ribbon Campaign is […]

  3. When Blogging Imitates Real Life Rape Culture | Apple Cider Mage says:
    November 17, 2011 at 13:50

    […] after being attacked viciously by 5 men. Other gold bloggers feel concerned about her plight and organize a White Ribbon show of support (White Ribbon is an international group concerned with stopping violence towards women). […]

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